More Love

It has been a while since my last post. Strange as it may sound, I really haven't been all that inspired to write. Truth be told, my attention has been elsewhere these past several weeks. We have officially approached three months with Aleyah. I sit here in pure amazement at all that has taken place in only three very short months. I don't even know where to begin. There's so much to share, so much to marvel at, yet where do I start?




If you have been following, you know full well how exhausting this journey has been. It has taken a toll on the three of us and I truly feel I have aged at least five years! Let me explain why. First, our lives have completely changed overnight, literally. And yes, we knew that it would, but as you know the mind and the body are two very different things.

Although it has been an adjustment, we continue to see blessings around every corner. God is good in more ways than I can explain. I have no words to describe exactly how I feel about God's unselfish love. If you remember, I was angry with God. Let me rephrase that. Maybe I wasn't really angry but more hurt by the trauma we went through in Ethiopia. I couldn't understand why we faced trial after trial. Why didn't God intervene? Were we not doing exactly what He called us to do? Why wouldn't He honor our obedience and allow a peaceful experience? So many questions and so many frustrations. But here we are, only three short months in and I'm in complete awe at our progress. Okay, the tears are forming already. I'm typically not a crier but when I see God's amazing love in the day to day, I can't help but let the salty droplets stream from my eyes.

On our way home from Ethiopia I sat on the plane broken and weary wondering what I ever did to deserve this hellish existence (a bit dramatic, I know). Three months later, I walk around in an overwhelming state wondering what I ever did to deserve God's gift in this lovable little girl. What did I do and when did I do it? What made God decide that I needed more love? More love? Was I not getting enough? I feel that I have received more than my share of love. When first deciding upon adoption I thought of all the love I would give, not about the love I would receive. God decided I needed more love. That revelation is HUGE. What did I ever do to deserve more love? The answer is simply...nothing. I did absolutely nothing. God is truly that way. He just loves on His children for no reason at all.

We continue to learn more and more about each other as the days pass on. Aleyah is very independent and very capable of expressing her feelings. Trust me, she is all too good at it. When her feelings get hurt, her expression is blank and her body wilts to a heap. When she is angry she will give you a piece of her mind in both English and whatever else she speaks at the moment (we're working on that). When she gets jealous, and she often does, her eyes pierce your soul with a look of betrayal before she slowly walks to a hiding place. Numerous expressions speak to me every day, but the one expression that melts me every time is her generous outpouring of love.

Each morning Aleyah never fails to spend snuggle time with me on the couch or the front porch. Her with her chocolate milk, and I with my coffee. If I get up for any reason she beckons me back, not ready to start the day. Sitting next to me is never quite good enough for Aleyah. She is most content sitting on my lap with an outstretched arm around my neck. Many kisses shower my face, just because. Just because she loves.

"Mommy, play in your room Aleyah." Translation: "Play with me in my room." Countless times a day we venture to her room and countless times a day we play with Barbie and Barbie's very tidy mansion. Countless times a day we play Candyland and countless times a day I ponder her past life. Did she play with her birth mother? Did she snuggle up and cover her birth mother's face with morning kisses? Did she laugh when her birth mother made silly faces to go along with silly voices? Did she have her own morning ritual with the woman who brought her life? Did she love before us? Recent discoveries about her past cause me to wonder about these things. Yet when I feel her love I can't help but think that she has...


How powerful love is.




This little girl loves. It has been only three months and she has made every effort to show us that we matter to her. We are her family and she truly understands that. The stubborn and strong-willed nature is there, but is quickly overshadowed by her warm smile, giddy giggles and huge embraces.

I knew I could love another. I never doubted that for a minute. But receiving love in return has, for some reason, taken me by surprise. What joy. I didn't know I needed more love. But after receiving bucketfuls of it, I now know I want it.

I wonder how many children in the world today don't just want to be loved but want so badly to have someone to love.

Everybody can use More Love.


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