She graduated from the eighth grade. To some, it may not be that pivotal; but for me, it was MONUMENTAL. I sat in the audience taking it all in. People crowded the bleachers to witness a milestone that was taking place in the life of a child. My throat tightens at the memory of the emotions I felt that night. I know I wasn't the only one who sat with emotion. There were many others sitting in disbelief; their little one would be on their way to high school. High school. Why is this realization hitting me so hard?
I sat there with camera in hand, not wanting to miss a thing. I waited for the procession. When she entered the gymnasium, my breath caught at her young lady beauty. She walked more graciously than I thought she could (that was until she had a small trip up on some electrical cords, but who noticed?). She found her seat, and I saw nothing else. I vaguely remember the others filing in. I sat there beaming and remembering.
Remembering this...
Our Classroom
I remembered the four years of home schooling we put in. Many days of learning. Many days of teaching. Many days of successes and many others with failures. The schedule that I would not part from. And the days I conceded...
I thought back on all the field trips we took and the discoveries we shared together as a family.
I remembered the days when books were devoured on the front porch; the weather too inviting to refuse.
And then the year she turned nine, we knew it was time...
Time to set out upon new adventures. Time to take all that had been taught and all that had been learned and step out on her own...without me.
Fourth Grade
Steve and I took her to school on the first day. We walked her to class. I took her to school the next day. I walked her to class. On the third day, I went to her classroom to give her something she needed. Her teacher met me at the door and closed it behind her. "I will give it to her," she said. I tried to peer through the window to get a glimpse of her. I said, "Well I thought I'd give it to her." Her teacher gave me a look that clearly told me that I would embarrass Alexa if I walked through those doors. It only took me a few moments to understand what was at stake here....
Who would answer for her, if she didn't know just exactly what to say? Who would encourage her to talk to someone when she was feeling shy? Who would be there to protect her when she felt unwanted? It only took me a couple of weeks to realize that I couldn't be with her 24/7. I couldn't make decisions for her anymore.
My days grew lonely. My heart yearned. My eyes understood real tears. My little girl didn't need me in the way that she had, once before. I had to trust that she could do it. And with much prayer she learned to do it.
Fifth Grade
Sixth Grade
Seventh Grade
Eighth Grade
It had finally come; the end to eight long years....The finale of a childhood. This is why this day was monumental for me. It meant more than all the friends that were made...
It meant more than all the achievements and accolades...
It meant more than cap and gown...
It meant this....
It meant that the little girl I once knew and loved was only available to me in my memory and in some very cherished photos.
It meant that this once little girl was quickly waltzing through life...
It meant that my little girl had become a mother's young lady. Not in my imagination. Not in the future. But now, in this moment, in "real life." Yes, May 21st was not just a graduation; it was a MONUMENTAL moment for this mother...
Alexa, I can't always be there; but I know the Lord will always be. And in that, I take great comfort. When I'm missing my little girl and when I'm feeling unsettled about it...the Lord will see me through as well. I pray that the Lord keep you all the days of your life and forever in mine.
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