Today will be different...


So it's a new day.....Yesterday was a very emotional day. Lately I've allowed myself to feel the emotion and just let it out, whatever it may be. Yesterday was one of those days. Let me explain. Sometimes a pot of boiling water overflows. You either need to turn down the heat or remove the lid. Two things come to mind about the overflow of the boiling water. One, you're trying to heat it too quickly or two, you're not tending to it. Emotions are in some way the same, in my opinion. The pressure eventually gets to be too much. You try to keep it contained under that lid but more pressure mounts. The lid begins to demonstrate signs of the building pressure by lifting a bit. Eventually, the pressure cannot be contained and you have yourself an overflow. So that was yesterday.

We are just about to cross the finish line and the pressure of everything involved overpowered me and I caved into the pressure. It was just one of those days. I was a bit angry at my feelings. I felt that I should be floating in the clouds with joyous anticipation. But I didn't feel that way. Where was my joy?? It was squelched, and I let my adversary steal my joy. It really was a "full on battle."

Travel dates were given. Those dates are earlier than anticipated. Tickets need to be purchased now. How would we purchase tickets when the funding is not there? Why would God bring us this far and leave us hanging? That was my "full on battle." I admit, anger set in. I'm supposed to be floating in the clouds, right? But I'm not. Again, "How can God allow this added stress at this point in the race?" "What is He trying to teach me?" "Can You maybe teach me when I get back from Ethiopia?" I kept having thoughts enter my mind like, "He's gone, He's left you and you now have to figure it out." Have you felt like that before? A lot of negativity entered my mind and God's voice was muffled by it all. I didn't pray. I didn't read my Bible. I just kept with my questions, "Why this? Why that? Why now?" The "lid" popped off and I couldn't contain the emotion. I didn't feel like cleaning, didn't feel like eating (which is not a bad thing, right?), didn't feel like making dinner for my family. I just didn't feel. Needless to say, I was drained. Why do I have to be so weak? I'm not supposed to be. I'm supposed to have it all together. But I'm constantly reminded, if I always had it together I would never need my God. Days like this confirm that my own power, gets me nowhere. If you are a Believer you know what I mean.

I received an e-mail from a godly friend yesterday and it included this verse, "Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I have always loved that verse. I hear it numerous times. It is even highlighted in my Bible. I had it memorized at one time. But yesterday in that e-mail, it read, pray Philippians 4:6-7. The key word there is pray. I didn't do that yesterday. I just grumbled. God let me grumble and waited patiently for me to pray. I did speak to God yesterday but it was more, why? why? why? I'm so grateful for godly friends. I have many and they are so encouraging and uplifting. When we crumble (that is supposed to be crumble), and we do from time to time, we march in to offer prayers and encouragement.

As I began this post, the songs I have playing on my playlist encouraged me as well. 'Hold Fast, help is on the way,' 'You're Never Alone, 'cause I am with you, and I will always be.'

Today will be different. I will pray. My adversary will no doubt try to interfere and distract me with all the why's, but today will be different. I will pray.