I Simply Can't Do It

(Alayah got herself dressed for the day (her Ethiopian attire) and even
wrapped her head)

So what can't I do? I can't send Alayah to preschool yet. This past December we had Alayah screened for "at risk" preschool. She was evaluated and we were later notified that she was not "at risk." We really didn't think she would qualify because this little girl is such a smart cookie. But we thought that since English is a third language for her, she might qualify for something.

To my surprise I got a call a couple of days ago from my county preschool informing me that two children moved and it left a couple of spots open. Of course at first I thought, 'How great this could be for her.' It would allow her to be around other children and help her adapt to more structure (at no cost to us, government program). Why not take advantage of that, right? But as this woman was speaking I suddenly felt guilty about taking a spot away from a child who really needs the help. When I expressed this, the woman said that Alayah did not qualify for "special education" so she would not be taking someone else's spot. But she did qualify for their preschool program because of her ETL (English as a third language). I just made that up.;) So I was pretty excited about it. She told me I could pick up a packet and Alayah could get started right away.

I couldn't wait to tell Steve. As I was talking to him and telling him all that I had learned, a sudden sadness came over me. I began to realize that Alayah and I wouldn't have breakfast together during the week. We wouldn't lounge around in our jammies for hours. Our mornings would now be rushed with hectic deadlines to make. The program would mean two and a half hours M-F. That may not seem unreasonable and at first it didn't to me. But I'm not ready. We haven't even reached the one year mark together. I didn't get the baby years with her. I simply can't do it. I called the following day and shared my change of heart. The woman I spoke to understood and said, "Once I take her off the list she will never get back into the program later on. Would you like me to keep her on the list in case you are ready by the fall?" I said, "Yes, that would be great!" Funny thing is, I don't know when I'll be ready.

Day Two

Upper body is feeling very sore (especially chest and arms). Calorie intake was moderate yesterday. Felt great and even felt strong. :)

Cardio: walk/jog 2.25 miles

Strength: Lower body; Core